Get Started
Home Authors Tags

"To create a more sincere experience of ourselves we have to be willing to express what we would otherwise repress "

Alain de Botton
Alain de Botton Author, Philosopher
Translations
🇺🇸 English 🇨🇳 中文 🇪🇸 Español 🇪🇬 العربية 🇫🇷 Français 🇮🇷 فارسی 🇯🇵 日本語
Quote meaning
Alright, let's dive in. The core idea here is about authenticity. If you want to truly understand and experience who you are, you need to let out the thoughts and feelings you typically bottle up. It’s about being real with yourself and others, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Think back to a time when you held your tongue or swallowed your feelings. Maybe you were at work, and your boss made a decision that irked you. Instead of speaking up, you kept your frustration to yourself. Or perhaps you were with friends, and someone cracked a joke that hit a sensitive spot. You laughed along, but inside, it stung. In both scenarios, you repressed your true feelings. Over time, this kind of suppression can blur the lines of who you really are because you're constantly hiding parts of yourself.

This idea has roots in psychological theories, especially those from Carl Jung, who talked a lot about the 'shadow self.' The shadow self is the part of us we tend to push away and hide—our insecurities, our fears, and the emotions society deems unacceptable. But Jung believed that to be whole, we need to integrate our shadow, meaning we must acknowledge and express those repressed parts of ourselves.

Now, let's take a real-life example. Picture Sarah, a corporate lawyer. On the outside, she’s the epitome of success—sharp suits, impressive office, the whole nine yards. But inside, she’s a mess of anxiety and self-doubt. She’s terrified of showing vulnerability at work because she's afraid it’ll make her look weak. One day, she hits a breaking point. She decides to talk to her team about her struggles. She shares her fears and anxiety. Surprisingly, her team doesn’t lose respect for her. In fact, they start opening up about their own challenges. Sarah’s decision to express what she’d always repressed didn’t just help her; it created a more sincere and supportive workplace.

So how can you put this wisdom to work in your life? Start small. Next time you’re feeling something strongly—whether it’s joy, anger, sadness—try to express it. If you’re happy, share that with someone. If you’re upset, talk about it, even if it’s just with a close friend or in a journal. It’s about breaking the habit of repression little by little.

Imagine you're at a family dinner, and someone brings up a touchy subject. Instead of clamming up or changing the topic, you could calmly express your perspective. Sure, it might feel risky, but this kind of honest communication can deepen your relationships and help you feel more like yourself.

Here’s a story for you: Think of a guy named Tom. He’s always been the peacemaker in his friend group, avoiding conflicts at all costs. One day, his friend makes a snide remark about his new project. Normally, Tom would let it slide. But this time, he decides to speak up. He tells his friend, “Hey, that comment actually hurt. I’m really passionate about this project.” His friend is taken aback but apologizes. They end up having a heart-to-heart about their friendship. By expressing what he usually repressed, Tom didn’t just stand up for himself—he strengthened a bond.

Remember, the goal isn’t to be confrontational or overly emotional. It’s about being true to your feelings and thoughts. It’s about creating a more sincere experience of yourself by letting the world see who you really are. And trust me, the world will be better for it.
Related tags
Authenticity Emotional honesty Inner truth Mental health Openness Personal growth Self-awareness Self-discovery Self-expression Vulnerability
MORE QUOTES BY Alain de Botton
FEATURED QUOTES
Surprise me with another quote
Instagram Icon Facebook Icon X Icon Threads Icon