"Nous nous trompons toujours deux fois sur les personnes que nous aimons d'abord en leur faveur puis à leur détriment"

Loving someone is a lot like wearing rose-colored glasses, isn't it? At first, when we fall for someone, we often see only the best in them. Our brains go into overdrive, painting their every action in the best light possible. We exaggerate their positive traits and downplay or outright ignore their flaws. This initial deception is harmless, and it’s all part of the charm of early love.

But as time passes, those same rose-colored glasses can turn into a harsh spotlight. The quirks we once found endearing can start to grate on us. We swing the pendulum the other way, focusing on their faults and shortcomings. We deceive ourselves again, but now, to their detriment.

I remember reading about this concept in a book on relationships. It really struck me how universally true it is. Think about when you first started dating someone. At the beginning, everything they did was adorable, right? Maybe they had a quirky habit of always being ten minutes late. At first, it was just another cute part of their charm. But fast forward a few years, and that same habit might drive you up the wall. You start to see it not as a quirk but as a sign of disrespect for your time.

Take Jane and Michael for example. They met in college and fell head over heels for each other. Jane loved how spontaneous Michael was. He would whisk her away on unplanned road trips, turning every weekend into an adventure. But after they got married, Jane’s perspective shifted. Those spontaneous trips started to feel more like disruptions. She felt like Michael was irresponsible, and she longed for stability. That same trait she once adored became a point of contention.

So, what’s the takeaway here? How do we guard against these two opposing deceptions in our relationships? First off, it's about balance. Try to keep an even keel—acknowledging both the good and the not-so-good in the people we love. It’s about seeing them as whole, complex individuals rather than caricatures of perfection or imperfection.

Imagine you're having coffee with a friend who's venting about their partner. Instead of just nodding along, you might say, “Hey, remember when you told me how much you loved their sense of adventure? Maybe that's still in there somewhere.” It’s a gentle reminder to see the full picture, not just the parts that are frustrating in the moment.

One practical tip is to practice regular gratitude. Seriously, it works. Every week, take a moment to jot down something you appreciate about your partner. It can be something small, like how they make your coffee just the way you like it. Keeping this habit can help maintain a balanced view, preventing you from swinging too far into negativity.

Picture this: You and your partner are in the middle of a heated argument about something trivial, like whose turn it is to take out the trash. Instead of letting the frustration boil over, take a deep breath and remember one good thing they did that day. Maybe they called you just to say they love you. Holding onto those positive thoughts can help you navigate the rough patches.

So there you have it. Love is a rollercoaster, with its highs and lows. But by keeping our eyes (and hearts) open to the full spectrum of our loved ones, we can ride it out together.