"I can't control you"

You know, when we say "I can't control you," what we're really getting at is the fundamental truth that we can’t dictate other people’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. It's about acknowledging our limitations in influencing others and understanding that everyone has their own agency. It’s a reminder to focus on what we can control — ourselves.

Historically, this sentiment has been relevant forever. Philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius talked about focusing on our own reactions and actions rather than stressing about what others do. They knew that trying to control others is a recipe for frustration and disappointment.

Imagine you're working on a group project. There’s always that one person who's not pulling their weight. Maybe they’re late with their part, or their contributions are subpar. You feel your blood pressure rising. You think, "Why can't they just do their job?" But here's the thing: you can’t control them. You can remind them, you can offer help, but ultimately, how they respond is up to them. What you can control is your attitude and your actions. Maybe you need to adjust your approach or take on a bit more to ensure the project’s success — frustrating, yes, but within your control.

So, how do we apply this wisdom in our daily lives? Start by letting go of the urge to micromanage others. It’s about setting boundaries — for yourself and for others. When you feel the urge to control, take a step back, breathe, and ask yourself, "What can I control in this situation?" Often, it's your reaction, your mindset, or your choices.

Think about a relatable scenario. Let’s say you have a friend who’s always late. Every time you make plans, you end up waiting. It drives you nuts. So you confront them, and they promise to be on time in the future, but nothing changes. You can’t control their punctuality. Instead, you can control how you handle it. Maybe you tell them a time that’s 15 minutes earlier than when you actually want to meet. Or decide to bring a book or something to do while you wait. Or, maybe you start making plans with other friends who respect your time.

Once, I had a boss who was incredibly demanding. She’d send emails at all hours of the night and expect immediate responses. At first, I tried to keep up, responding at 10 PM, stressing out over her demands. But then I realized, I can’t control her expectations — only my boundaries. I set a rule for myself: no work emails after 7 PM. I communicated this clearly to her. Sure, she wasn’t thrilled, but over time, she respected it. My stress levels dropped, and I felt more in control of my work-life balance.

In the end, remembering "I can't control you" is liberating. It frees up mental and emotional energy that’s better spent focusing on what we can change: ourselves. We can choose to act with integrity, kindness, and patience regardless of how others behave. And that, my friend, is where true power and peace lie.

So next time you’re in a situation where someone’s actions are driving you up the wall, remember: you’ve got the power to control your response. And that might just make all the difference.