"Ne répondez jamais à une personne en colère par une réplique cinglante, même si elle le mérite... Ne permettez pas que sa colère devienne votre colère."

When someone’s really angry at you, it’s tempting to snap back with something just as fiery. But here’s the thing: that’s like adding gasoline to a fire. Even if the other person’s outburst feels totally unjustified, matching their anger with your own only escalates the conflict and makes it harder to find any resolution.

Think about it—when you mirror someone’s anger, you’re not just defending yourself, you’re actually taking on their anger. You’re letting their negative energy infect you. And honestly, who wants that? You’re giving them control over your emotions, which isn’t a great move for anyone.

Let’s put this into a bit of historical context. This idea of not responding to anger with more anger has been around for ages. The ancient Stoics, for instance, were big proponents of keeping your cool. Philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus believed that we should maintain our inner peace regardless of external chaos. They thought that by doing so, we keep control over ourselves, rather than handing it over to someone else’s rage.

Picture this: you’re at work, and a colleague loses their temper over a mistake they think you made. They’re yelling, their face is red, and it’s clear they’re not looking for a calm conversation. Now, you have two choices. You can yell back, defend yourself, point out their mistakes (which, let’s be honest, they definitely have). Or, you can take a deep breath, let them finish, and respond calmly. Maybe you say something like, “I hear you’re really upset. Let’s figure out what happened and how we can fix it.” The first option probably leads to a full-blown office drama. The second? It might just diffuse the situation and make you look like the calm, collected professional you are.

So, how do you put this wisdom into action in your own life? Start by practicing mindfulness. When someone’s coming at you with anger, it helps to take a second to breathe and ground yourself. Remind yourself that their anger doesn’t have to become yours. It’s about creating a mental pause before you react. You might even want to have a few go-to phrases ready, like, “Let’s take a moment to cool down,” or “I understand you’re upset, but let’s talk about this calmly.”

Imagine you’re in a heated argument with your partner. They’re upset because you forgot to pick up something on your way home. They’re raising their voice, and it’s easy to feel the heat rising in you, too. But instead of shouting back, you decide to stay calm. You listen to what they’re saying without interrupting. Maybe you even apologize for forgetting—because, hey, we all make mistakes. By staying calm, you’re showing them that their anger doesn’t control you, and you’re also setting the stage for a more constructive conversation.

In short, don’t let someone else’s anger dictate your emotions. By keeping your cool, you maintain control over yourself and the situation. It’s not always easy, but with practice, it can become a powerful tool for navigating conflicts and maintaining your own peace of mind.