"بخشش به معنای عذرخواهی نیست"

Forgiveness and excusing are often mistaken for being one and the same, but they're actually quite different. Forgiveness is about letting go of anger or resentment towards someone who has wronged you, whereas excusing is about dismissing or justifying the wrongdoing. When we forgive, we acknowledge the hurt or damage caused, but we choose to move past it for our own peace of mind — we're not saying the action was okay.

Historically, this distinction has been significant in various philosophies and religions. Take Christianity, for example. The Bible often speaks about the importance of forgiveness, urging followers to forgive others as they've been forgiven by God. However, it doesn't imply that the harmful actions are acceptable. Jesus himself forgave those who crucified him, but he didn't excuse their actions; he simply chose to release any bitterness or anger.

Think about a time when a friend betrayed your trust. Perhaps they shared a secret you confided in them. You felt hurt, angry, and maybe even a bit foolish. Forgiving your friend doesn't mean that what they did was right or that you should just pretend it never happened. Instead, it means acknowledging your hurt and deciding not to let it control your emotions or your future interactions with them.

Now, how can you apply this idea in real life? Start by recognizing your own feelings. It's okay to feel hurt or angry. Don’t rush to excuse the behavior because it’s uncomfortable. It's essential to communicate your feelings to the person who wronged you and set boundaries. Let them know how their actions affected you and what you expect moving forward. This is a way to forgive without excusing.

Imagine you're at work, and a colleague takes credit for your idea in a meeting. You're fuming as you sit there, feeling the injustice of it all. Instead of stewing in anger, you approach your colleague later. You express your feelings clearly: "Hey, I felt really upset when you took credit for my idea in the meeting. Can we make sure to acknowledge each other's contributions next time?" You're forgiving by letting go of the grudge, but you’re not excusing the behavior — there's a clear expectation set for the future.

To illustrate this, let’s dive into a relatable scenario. Picture a family gathering where old grievances tend to surface. Uncle Bob always brings up that one embarrassing story about you, despite you asking him not to. It irks you every single time. This year, instead of silently fuming or excusing his behavior because "that’s just Bob," you decide to address it. You pull him aside and say, "Uncle Bob, I know you don't mean any harm, but that story really bothers me. Can we leave it in the past?" By doing this, you acknowledge your hurt and set a boundary. You’re forgiving him — choosing not to let this ruin your relationship or the family gathering — but you’re not excusing his repeated behavior.

In summary, forgiveness is about your peace and healing, while excusing is about the wrongdoing. It’s essential to separate the two. Acknowledging hurt, setting boundaries, and moving forward without bitterness can lead to healthier relationships and personal peace. By practicing this, we honor our own feelings and take control of our emotional well-being, rather than letting resentment fester.