"اگر چیزی در کودک وجود دارد که می‌خواهیم تغییر دهیم، ابتدا باید آن را بررسی کنیم و ببینیم که آیا این مسئله نیست که بهتر است در خودمان تغییر یابد."

Sometimes, when we notice something in a child that we wish to change, we might need to look in the mirror first. It’s like this: kids are sponges, soaking up everything around them. They learn not just from what we tell them, but from what we do, how we act, and even how we think. So, if we see a behavior in a child that we don’t like, it’s worth wondering if that behavior is a reflection of something in ourselves.

Take a moment—think back to when you were young. Did you ever imitate an adult, maybe a parent or a teacher? Kids naturally mimic the adults in their lives. If a child is being impatient or quick to anger, it might be because they’re seeing that behavior modeled by someone they look up to. This isn’t about assigning blame; it’s about recognizing the powerful influence we have on the little ones around us.

Let’s dive into a real-life example to make this clearer. Imagine Jane, a mother who often finds herself frustrated because her son, Timmy, throws tantrums when things don’t go his way. These outbursts happen frequently, and Jane feels at her wit’s end. One day, after another meltdown, Jane decides to really pay attention to her reactions. She notices that she often loses her cool when things don’t go as planned—whether it’s a traffic jam making her late or a burnt dinner. It dawns on her that Timmy might be mirroring her own responses to frustration.

Seeing this, Jane makes a conscious effort to change. She works on staying calm and patient, even in challenging situations. She takes deep breaths, counts to ten, and tries to model the behavior she wishes to see in Timmy. Over time, she notices a change in her son. The tantrums become less frequent, and when they do happen, Jane is better equipped to handle them with patience and understanding.

So, how can we apply this wisdom to our own lives? Start by observing your reactions and behaviors. Are there patterns that you see in your children that might be a reflection of your own habits or attitudes? It’s not an easy task—self-reflection seldom is—but it’s incredibly rewarding. Maybe you notice that your child is reluctant to admit mistakes. Ask yourself, do you model vulnerability and the courage to own up to errors?

It can be helpful to have a trusted friend or partner give you feedback. Sometimes others can see things we might miss about ourselves. And don’t beat yourself up if you find things you don’t like. Remember, this is about growth, not perfection.

To illustrate this further, let’s picture a scenario. Susan is a teacher who notices one of her students, Alex, is often dismissive and sarcastic with his peers. Instead of immediately reprimanding Alex, Susan reflects on her own interactions with the class. She realizes that her own stress has made her more curt and less patient. When she makes a concerted effort to address her tone and approach, she sees a gradual shift in Alex’s behavior too. He becomes more respectful and cooperative, reflecting the environment Susan has now fostered.

In essence, if we want to see changes in children, we have to be willing to look at ourselves first. It’s like tending to a garden: if the plants aren’t thriving, we don’t blame the plants. We check the soil, the water, the sunlight. We adjust and nurture, and in turn, the garden flourishes. Our children are much the same—they need us to model what we wish to see in them. So next time something frustrates you about a child’s behavior, pause and consider if there’s a lesson in it for you too.