"L'intimité n'est pas quelque chose que vous avez c'est quelque chose que vous faites"

Intimacy is an action, not a possession. It's about the way we connect with others, the effort we put into understanding and sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This idea shifts the perception of intimacy from being a static quality that you either have or don't, to being an ongoing practice that you actively engage in.

Historically, this perspective can be linked to the evolution of relationships. Think back to the way relationships were viewed in the past—often seen as a series of milestones. You meet someone, you fall in love, and voila, you have intimacy. But in reality, intimacy requires continuous nurturing. It’s not a trophy you win but a garden you constantly tend to. This quote may have surfaced from the recognition that real, deep connections are forged through actions, not just feelings.

Let’s dive into a real-life example to see this in action. Think about a couple married for decades. They have shared countless memories—birthdays, vacations, hardships, and triumphs. You might be tempted to say they "have" intimacy. But consider their daily life. They make time to talk about their days, listen to each other's concerns, support one another’s dreams, and perhaps even laugh over silly jokes. These actions are the actual substance of their intimacy. When one of them falls ill, the other is there to provide comfort and care; when they face a tough decision, they discuss it together, valuing each other's input. This continuous practice of showing up for each other is what true intimacy looks like.

So, how can you apply this wisdom in your life? Start by paying attention to your interactions. Are you actively listening to the people you care about? Are you sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly? It's about taking the time to ask meaningful questions and being open to their answers. Initiate conversations that go beyond the surface. Show empathy and be present. Intimacy grows in these moments of genuine engagement.

Imagine you’re at a coffee shop with a friend. You've known each other for years, but lately, you’ve felt a bit disconnected. Instead of just going through the motions, you decide to dig deeper. You ask them about something you know they’re passionate about. You listen without interrupting, validating their feelings and sharing your own related experiences. This exchange, this intentional act of connecting, is you doing intimacy. It's not about the fact that you've been friends for a long time; it's about the active choice to engage deeply.

Intimacy thrives in the little things—sending a thoughtful text, remembering significant details about someone’s life, being there when they need you. It's like building a bridge; every act of connection lays down another plank. The bridge doesn't exist because you decided it should; it exists because you keep working on it, step by step.

So next time you think about your close relationships, consider how you can "do" intimacy. It's in the laughter shared and the tears wiped away; it's in the moments of vulnerability and the strength of support. These actions create the bond that we often label as intimacy, but understanding it as something we continually do turns it into a living, breathing part of our relationships.