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"Votre premier mariage est avec vos parents et c'est le plus court de tous les mariages."

Esther Perel
Esther Perel Psychotherapist
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The main idea here is that the relationship you have with your parents is like a foundational marriage—it's the first significant bond you experience, but it's relatively brief compared to the rest of your life. This relationship sets the stage for how you connect with others but doesn't last forever in the same way.

Historically, this concept is rooted in the importance of parent-child relationships across cultures and eras. Parents are the first figures of attachment and dependence, shaping us during our formative years. But as we grow, we move on to build other significant relationships, like friendships, romantic partnerships, and eventually our own families.

Picture a young girl named Emily. Emily's parents were her world growing up. They taught her about love, trust, and how to navigate the complexities of human interactions. She shared countless meals, holidays, and bedtime stories with them. But as Emily grew older, she moved away for college, fell in love, and started her own family. Her relationship with her parents, while still important, had evolved. It wasn't the center of her universe anymore. She learned to apply the lessons from that first 'marriage' to her own relationships—how to communicate, how to forgive, and how to love unconditionally.

So how do you apply this wisdom in your life? Start by recognizing the impact your parents have had on you. Reflect on the values and habits you've picked up from them. Are they serving you well in your current relationships, or is there room for improvement? It's crucial to acknowledge that while your bond with your parents is foundational, it shouldn't limit you. Use what you've learned to build healthy, lasting relationships with others.

Imagine you're at a gathering with friends. Someone brings up their struggle with balancing their partner's expectations and their parents' influence. You jump in, sharing how you learned to differentiate between the two. You might say, "You know, my parents taught me so much, but I had to realize that my relationship with them was just the starting point. I took the good parts and built my own way of connecting with my partner." This scenario shows how that initial relationship with your parents can evolve into a broader understanding of love and commitment.

In essence, your bond with your parents is your first profound connection—your initial 'marriage,' if you will. It's brief but intense, laying the groundwork for all the other relationships you'll form. Embrace the lessons from this early bond, but don't let it confine you. Use it as a stepping stone to create meaningful connections throughout your life. And remember, just like any marriage, it requires effort, understanding, and sometimes a bit of distance to truly appreciate its worth.
Related tags
Childhood Emotional connection Family Family dynamics Marriage Parental influence Relationships
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