"Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes, it’s a response to pain"

Addiction isn’t just about making poor choices. It’s actually a way people respond to deep pain. Imagine someone constantly seeking relief because they’re hurting inside—that’s what addiction often is.

Historically, this idea has gained traction through the work of people like Dr. Gabor Maté, who’s spent years talking about how addiction is rooted in trauma and pain. Instead of judging people who are struggling, he urges us to understand their suffering. It’s easier to say someone’s addicted because they lack willpower, but that’s not the whole story. They’re often trying to cope with something much more profound.

Take Sarah, for example. She was a successful lawyer, but after a painful divorce, she turned to alcohol. It wasn’t because she suddenly decided to ruin her life. She was lonely and in pain. The bottle was a way to numb her feelings, to get through the nights when the silence was unbearable. Her addiction wasn’t a choice in the simple sense; it was a desperate response to emotional agony.

So, how do you apply this understanding? Start by being compassionate. If you know someone struggling with addiction, try to see the pain behind their actions. Ask gentle questions, listen without judgment, and offer support. You might say, “I’m here for you. What’s been going on?” rather than, “Why can’t you just quit?” Your empathy can make a huge difference.

Think about a scenario: Imagine you’re at a family gathering, and your cousin Joe is drinking heavily again. Instead of getting frustrated or angry, consider what might be happening in his life that’s driving him to drink. Maybe he’s dealing with job stress, or he’s feeling disconnected from the family. Pull him aside, and have a heart-to-heart. “Hey Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking a lot. Is everything okay?” This approach opens the door for him to share his struggles, rather than pushing him away.

Remember, addiction is often a mask for deeper issues. By acknowledging that it’s a response to pain, we can better support those we care about. We all have our ways of coping with pain—some are healthier than others. Understanding this can help you foster a more compassionate and supportive environment for everyone.

In essence, when we see addiction through this lens, it shifts our approach from blame to empathy. It encourages us to look deeper, to understand the human experience more fully. And that’s something we can all benefit from—whether or not we’ve faced addiction ourselves. So next time you encounter someone battling addiction, remember: they’re not choosing this path lightly. They’re trying to find their way out of pain, just like anyone else would.