"Le traumatisme n'est pas ce qui vous arrive; c'est ce qui se passe en vous à la suite de ce qui vous arrive."

Let’s break down this idea: trauma isn’t just about the event that takes place—it’s about the internal impact that event has on you. Think of it like this: two people can go through the same experience, but their reactions might be completely different. It's not the external event that defines trauma, but how that event changes your inner world.

Now, to understand why this perspective matters, let's step back in time. This idea has roots in the work of trauma experts like Dr. Gabor Maté. He often explains that trauma is less about the wound itself, and more about the lingering emotional and psychological scars it leaves behind. Imagine a soldier returning home from war. It's not just the battle they fought that's the problem—it's the nightmares, the anxiety, the way their brain rewires itself to cope with the stress.

Think about a child who grows up in a chaotic home. One child might develop resilience, while another might struggle with trust issues and anxiety. The same environment, but different internal reactions. That’s what this quote is getting at. It’s the invisible change within that counts.

Let’s dive into a real-life example. Picture a car accident. Two friends, Sarah and John, are in the car when it happens. Both have similar physical injuries—a few bruises, maybe a broken bone. But while John recovers and gets back to driving in no time, Sarah can’t shake the fear. She starts having panic attacks just thinking about getting in a car again. The accident is the same, but the trauma is different. Sarah's internal response has taken a toll on her everyday life.

So, how can we use this wisdom in our own lives? First, it’s crucial to acknowledge our feelings without judgment. If you’re struggling after an event, it’s not about the event being “big enough” to cause trauma. It’s valid because it’s affecting you. Second, reach out for support. Therapy, talking with friends, or even journaling can help process those internal changes. And lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t linear, and that’s okay.

Let’s make this a bit more relatable with a scenario. Imagine you’ve just started a new job, and it’s way more stressful than you anticipated. Your colleague, who started the same day, seems to be thriving. But you find yourself overwhelmed, anxious, and dreading each day. You might think, “What’s wrong with me? We’re in the same situation.” But remember, it’s not about the job itself—it’s about how it’s impacting you internally. Your experience is valid, and it’s okay to seek ways to manage your stress, whether that’s through mindfulness, speaking with a mentor, or even considering if this job is the right fit for you.

In essence, this quote is a reminder to honor our internal experiences. It’s a call to recognize that what happens inside us is what truly matters. So next time you or someone you know is struggling, think about that internal landscape. It’s not just the event—it’s the ripple effects within that shape our journey. And in recognizing that, we find a pathway to healing and understanding.