"The more one judges, the less one loves"

Ever noticed how easy it is to criticize someone? But here's the thing—every time we do that, our ability to truly love and understand them shrinks a bit. We get caught up in their flaws, their mistakes, their quirks, and, before we know it, we’re more focused on what's wrong than what’s right.

This idea isn’t new. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a French philosopher, penned these words back in the 18th century. Think about the world he lived in—society was pretty rigid, and people were often quick to judge each other based on class, appearance, and conformity to norms. Rousseau, a keen observer of human nature, noticed that passing judgment created barriers, while acceptance and understanding fostered connection and love.

Let’s dive into a real-life example. Consider Jane and her friend Emma. Jane always noticed Emma's tendency to interrupt during conversations. It irked her, and Jane found herself criticizing Emma in her mind and even gossiping about it with mutual friends. Over time, Jane's annoyance grew, and she started avoiding Emma. Their friendship strained under the weight of Jane's judgments.

One day, Emma confided in Jane about her anxiety—how she felt pressured to get her thoughts out quickly in case she forgot them. This was a game-changer. Jane realized Emma’s interruptions weren’t born of rudeness but of a deeper struggle. The moment Jane stopped judging and started empathizing, their friendship healed. Jane found it easier to love and support Emma because she understood her better.

So, how can you apply this wisdom in your life? Start with self-awareness. Catch yourself in the act of judging. Ask why you feel the need to criticize—is it really about the other person, or is it something within you? Once you spot the pattern, replace judgment with curiosity. Instead of thinking, "Why are they so annoying?" try, "I wonder what’s going on with them." This shift from judgment to empathy can transform relationships.

Imagine you’re at work and your colleague always misses deadlines. It's easy to think they’re lazy or disorganized—judgments that breed frustration. But what if you discovered they’re caring for a sick relative or are overwhelmed with responsibilities? Suddenly, your annoyance might turn to compassion. You may even find yourself offering help, strengthening your working relationship.

Rousseau’s observation isn’t just philosophical—it’s practical. Every day, we have the choice to judge or to love. The more we judge, the more we distance ourselves from others. Instead, let’s lean into understanding. Let’s ask questions, show compassion, and remember that everyone has a story and struggles we know nothing about.

Next time you’re sitting in traffic, frustrated with the slow driver ahead, imagine they’re a new driver or someone who’s just received bad news. Instead of stewing in irritation, you might feel a surprising swell of patience and kindness. That’s the power of choosing love over judgment.

In a world quick to judge, be the one who pauses, who seeks to understand. Your relationships will flourish, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by more love and less friction. It’s a ripple effect—start with yourself, and watch it spread.