"人を変えることはできない、変わることができるのは彼ら自身だけだ"

People are who they are, and no matter how much you want to, you can't force them to change. They have to decide to make that change on their own. It’s like trying to move a mountain with a teaspoon—frustrating and ultimately, impossible.

Historically, this concept has been emphasized in both philosophy and psychology. It’s been around forever. Think about ancient philosophers like Socrates, who believed in the idea of self-examination and personal growth. Or more recently, therapists and counselors who work with people stuck in destructive patterns. They all agree—real change comes from within.

Let's talk about a real-life example. Meet Jenny and Mark. Jenny loves Mark, but he's a bit of a slob. We're talking about dirty dishes in the sink for days, clothes all over the floor, the whole nine yards. She nags, she pleads, she even tries leaving little notes. Nothing works. One day, after a particularly nasty argument, Mark realizes something: he’s hurting the person he loves. That’s when he decides to change. He starts picking up after himself, not just for Jenny, but because he genuinely wants to be better. Notice the shift? It's internal. Jenny’s efforts didn’t change Mark; Mark’s desire to be a better partner did.

So, how can you apply this wisdom in your life? First, let go of the illusion that you have control over others. It's liberating, really. Focus instead on what you can control—your actions, your reactions, your boundaries. If someone in your life needs to change, express your feelings and set your boundaries, but understand that the ball is in their court. It’s about respecting their journey, their timing.

Imagine this: you have a friend who’s always late. Drives you crazy, right? You’ve tried everything from setting their clocks ahead to outright scolding them. Nothing changes. Instead, try a different approach. Let them know how it affects you and then adjust your expectations. Maybe you start telling them an earlier time, or you bring a book to read while you wait. You’re not changing them; you’re changing how you handle the situation.

Here's a relatable story to drive the point home. Picture a parent and a teenager. The parent wants the kid to study harder, stop procrastinating. They set rules, they monitor, they even yell sometimes. But the teenager resists—hard. Then one day, the teenager has an epiphany. Maybe it’s a failing grade that hits them like a ton of bricks. Maybe it’s the realization that they want a better future. They start to study, not because they’re being forced, but because they want to. The parent’s role? They supported, they guided, but they couldn’t make that decision for their kid.

So next time you’re frustrated with someone’s behavior, remember: you can’t change them. It’s not your job. Your job is to love, support, and maybe give a nudge in the right direction. But the real work? That’s up to them. It’s their mountain to move. And when they do, it’ll be because they wanted to—because they chose to. And that’s the only kind of change that sticks.