"Pero qué tiene que ver el amor con eso cuando no te amas a ti mismo"

Loving yourself is at the heart of being able to truly love anyone else. If you don’t have that basic foundation of self-love, how can you genuinely give love to another person? This idea gets to the heart of so many personal and relationship struggles. Think about it: if you're constantly doubting your worth, how can you believe anyone else sees your value? You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Imagine this — you’re in a relationship, but you're always seeking validation from your partner. You need constant reassurance that you're loved because deep down, you don’t believe you're worthy of it. This isn't just exhausting for you, it’s draining for your partner too. Relationships should be about mutual support and joy, not one person carrying the emotional burden of the other.

One vivid example that comes to mind is a friend of mine, Sophie. She was always in and out of relationships, each one ending in heartbreak. It wasn’t until a particularly tough breakup that she realized she was the common denominator. Sophie didn’t love herself. She was always looking to her partners to fill that void, to make her feel loved and valued. It was only when she started working on her self-esteem, taking time for herself, doing things she loved, and practicing self-compassion, that she found a relationship that was truly healthy and fulfilling.

So how do you apply this wisdom in your own life? Start with the basics. Take a look at how you treat yourself. Are you kind to yourself when you make mistakes, or do you beat yourself up? Practice self-compassion. It might feel strange at first, but talk to yourself like you would to a friend. Celebrate your wins, big and small. Spend time doing things that make you happy and fulfilled, even if you’re doing them alone. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and support you.

Let’s say you're struggling with this concept. Imagine you're a gardener, and the love you want to share with others is a plant. If you don’t water it, give it sunlight, and tend to it, it withers and dies. But if you take care of it, it grows strong and beautiful, and it’s able to produce seeds and flowers that you can share with others. Your self-love is the water and sunlight for the plant. Without it, you’ve got nothing to give.

Consider John. He’s always been the life of the party, but inside, he feels empty. He jumps from one relationship to another, never understanding why they don't work out. After some tough self-reflection (and maybe a few sessions with a therapist), he starts to understand that he's looking for others to validate him, to fill a void only he can fill. John starts working out, dedicating time to hobbies he loves, and slowly, he begins to feel that self-worth growing. When he's finally ready to enter a new relationship, it's different. He’s not looking for someone to complete him, but to complement the already complete person he’s become.

So, what’s love got to do with it if you don’t love yourself? Everything. Because without that self-love, any love you try to give will always be lacking. Fill your cup first, and then you can truly share it with others. And that’s the kind of love that lasts.