"あなたがその人を傷つけたと言われたとき、あなたは自分が傷つけなかったと決めることはできません"

When someone tells you that you’ve hurt them, it’s not up to you to say, "No, I didn't." The core idea here is all about empathy and respect for others' feelings. If someone expresses that they’ve been hurt by something you said or did, it’s their experience. We can’t invalidate their feelings just because we didn’t intend to cause harm. Feelings are deeply personal and subjective, and acknowledging them is crucial to maintaining respectful and empathetic relationships.

Historically, this idea has roots in the broader movement towards empathy and emotional intelligence in the 20th and 21st centuries. As society has become more aware of mental health and interpersonal dynamics, there’s been a greater emphasis on understanding and validating each other's experiences. This quote likely emerged from these discussions, emphasizing the importance of listening and respecting personal narratives.

Imagine you’re at work, and you make a joke during a meeting. You think it’s harmless, but a colleague later tells you that your joke was offensive and hurt them. Your initial reaction might be to defend yourself—"I didn’t mean it that way," or "You’re too sensitive." But pause for a moment. Your intent doesn’t erase their experience. Acknowledging their feelings—"I’m sorry you felt that way"—is the first step towards resolution.

Here’s some advice on how to apply this wisdom: start by listening. When someone tells you they’re hurt, resist the urge to explain or defend yourself immediately. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective. Say something like, "I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that hurt you. Can we talk about it?" This approach shows that you respect their feelings and are willing to learn from the situation.

Picture this: You and your best friend are planning a surprise party for another friend. You’re excited and start making decisions without consulting your friend. Later, they tell you they feel left out and hurt because you didn’t involve them. Instead of saying, "But I did all the hard work!" or "You’re overreacting," take a step back. Recognize their feelings, "I’m sorry you felt left out. That wasn’t my intention. Let’s plan together from now on." This small act of acknowledging their hurt can significantly strengthen your relationship.

We’ve all been there—on either side of this scenario. Think about a time when you felt hurt, and someone brushed it off. How did that make you feel? Probably dismissed and invalidated. Now, imagine if they had listened and acknowledged your pain. The situation might have been very different.

This concept isn’t about walking on eggshells or being overly cautious in every interaction. It’s about cultivating a habit of empathy—valuing how our actions and words impact others. By doing so, we foster deeper connections and mutual respect.

So next time someone tells you they've been hurt by something you’ve done, take a moment. Listen, acknowledge, and learn. It might be a bit uncomfortable, but it’s worth it for the sake of genuine, empathetic relationships. Remember, it’s not about winning an argument; it’s about being kind and understanding. Imagine the difference it could make if we all tried a bit harder to truly hear each other out.