"El objetivo del matrimonio no es crear una rápida comunión derribando todas las fronteras; por el contrario, un buen matrimonio es aquel en el que cada pareja designa al otro como el guardián de su soledad."

Marriage involves more than just blending lives together to create instant harmony. The essence of a strong marriage lies in respecting and protecting each other’s personal space and individuality. By doing so, partners can build a deeper, more authentic connection.

This idea might seem counterintuitive at first. You might think that the goal of marriage is to become as close as possible, sharing everything and erasing all differences. But, think about it – without some personal space, without maintaining your own identity, you could end up losing yourself in the relationship. The beauty of a good marriage is in acknowledging and cherishing each other’s need for solitude and personal growth.

Historically, this perspective on marriage might have roots in times when marriages were arranged or based on social contracts rather than personal choice. In those cases, maintaining some personal boundaries was crucial for personal well-being. Even today, with marriages based more on love and mutual choice, the principle still holds. It’s about finding balance – combining lives without losing individuality.

Let’s consider a real-life example. Take Emma and Jack, a couple married for ten years. Emma is an artist, and Jack is a software engineer. Emma needs time alone to paint and find inspiration, while Jack likes to go on long hikes to clear his mind. Rather than feeling neglected or pushing each other to spend every moment together, they support each other’s need for alone time. Emma’s painting sessions and Jack’s hikes are respected as essential parts of who they are. By guarding these times, they reinforce their bond and come back to their relationship refreshed and more connected.

How do you apply this wisdom in your own life? Start by having open conversations about what you each need for personal space and growth. It might be a hobby, a quiet moment each day, or time with friends. Respect these needs without taking them personally. Encourage each other to pursue these activities, and show genuine interest in them. This doesn’t mean you never spend time together – it means you make the time you do spend more meaningful, as you both bring your full, contented selves to the relationship.

Now, imagine you’re sitting at a coffee shop with your best friend, and they’re telling you they feel smothered in their relationship. They never get time to read or just be alone. You suggest they talk to their partner about it. Maybe they could set up a routine where each gets a couple of hours a week just for themselves. It’s a small change, but it could make a big difference. Your friend’s partner might appreciate the honesty and start valuing their own personal time too. This way, both can grow individually while nurturing their relationship.

In the end, it’s about balance. You’re not just two people merged into one; you’re two individuals choosing to share a life while still honoring your separate selves. That’s the beauty of a good marriage – it’s not about erasing boundaries, but about respecting and protecting them. And that, my friend, is how you build a partnership that stands the test of time.