"Cherche d'abord à comprendre puis à être compris"

The heart of this idea is the importance of truly understanding others before trying to make them understand you. It's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes, really listening to their perspective, and taking the time to comprehend where they're coming from. Only then can you effectively communicate your own viewpoint.

This phrase comes from Stephen Covey's book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Covey stressed that this habit is crucial for meaningful communication and effective relationships, whether in business, personal life, or any situation where mutual understanding is vital.

Let's take a real-life example. Imagine a manager called Sarah in a bustling tech company. Sarah has a team member, Alex, who's been underperforming. Instead of immediately assuming Alex is lazy or unmotivated, Sarah decides to have a conversation. She genuinely listens to Alex, who reveals he's been struggling with some personal issues that have affected his work. By understanding Alex's perspective first, Sarah can offer support—maybe some flexibility with deadlines or resources to help Alex manage better. This approach builds trust and creates a more supportive work environment.

So, how can you apply this wisdom in your own life? Start by practicing active listening. Next time you're in a conversation, focus on the other person. Don't just wait for your turn to speak—really listen. Ask questions that show you're interested in understanding their viewpoint. Paraphrase what they say to ensure you've got it right. Once you understand them, you'll find that your own points are much easier to communicate and more likely to be well received.

Imagine a scenario: You're having a disagreement with your partner about weekend plans. You want to go hiking, but they want a relaxing day at home. Instead of arguing your point immediately, you take a step back. You ask why they prefer staying in. Maybe they had a stressful week and need some downtime. Understanding their reasons doesn't mean you have to abandon your plans. Instead, you can suggest a compromise—perhaps a short hike in the morning and a relaxing afternoon at home. By first seeking to understand, you create a solution that respects both needs.

Another relatable situation could be a parent talking to their teenager about school performance. The teenager, feeling misunderstood, might be defensive. But if the parent first listens—understands the teenager's pressures, social issues, or even challenges with a particular subject—they can then offer help that's actually useful. The teenager feels heard and valued, making them more open to discussing solutions.

This approach isn't just about being nice. It's strategic. When people feel understood, they're more likely to be open to your ideas. It's like opening a door—you create a pathway for effective dialogue. So next time you're in a conversation, remember: understanding first, then being understood. It's a game-changer.