Humor Quotes

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." "I intend to live forever, or die trying." "I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book." "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." "It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them" "I can resist everything except temptation" "He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of" "It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean" "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" "A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know." "I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up." "I must confess, I was born at a very early age." "They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."