"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

Unhappy marriages often stem from a deficiency of friendship rather than a lack of love. Think about it: when you’re friends with someone, you share experiences, laugh together, support each other through thick and thin, and communicate openly. These are the very same elements that form the bedrock of a strong, happy marriage. Love might be the initial spark, but friendship is what keeps the flame burning.

Let’s throw it back to the 19th century when the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche made this insightful observation. He saw many marriages around him faltering, not because the couples didn’t love each other, but because they didn’t like each other. They didn’t have that easy camaraderie which makes dealing with life’s challenges so much smoother. It’s a bit like building a house on a shaky foundation—no matter how beautiful the house is, it won’t stand the test of time without solid ground.

Picture this: You know Jane and Tom, right? They’re that high school sweetheart couple everyone thought would last forever. They were head-over-heels in love, couldn’t keep their hands off each other, the whole shebang. Fast forward a few years, and they’re struggling. The passion’s still there, but they don’t talk about their days, don’t share their dreams and fears anymore. They never learned to be friends—to enjoy each other’s company without the need for romantic gestures. And that’s what’s tearing them apart.

So, what’s the takeaway for you? Focus on nurturing your friendship with your partner. It’s the simple things—sharing a joke, playing a game, watching a show together, or even just talking about your day. These moments build intimacy and trust. They make you feel like you’re on the same team, facing the world together. Next time you’re planning a date night, maybe skip the fancy restaurant and instead do something that lets you really connect—like cooking a meal together, or going on a hike where you can talk without distractions.

Imagine Sarah and Mike. They’ve been married for ten years and have two kids. Life’s busy, and it’s easy to fall into routines. But every Friday night, without fail, they have their “no-kids-allowed” night. They order pizza, play board games, and just hang out. Sometimes they talk about deep stuff, sometimes they just laugh at silly things. That’s their secret. It’s not always about grand gestures; it’s about those regular check-ins that say, “I still like you—I still want to spend time with you.”

So next time you’re feeling the strain in your relationship, ask yourself: Are we being good friends to each other? Friendship isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s the glue that holds everything else together. Embrace it. Nurture it. And watch your relationship flourish in ways you never imagined.