"Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will."

The essence of the quote is all about strategy and leverage. It’s like saying, if you want to get someone to do what you want, start by taking control of something they really care about. Once you've got something valuable to them, they’re more likely to listen to you and do what you want.

This idea has its roots way back in history, often attributed to Sun Tzu, who was a brilliant military strategist in ancient China. He wrote "The Art of War," and his teachings have been used in military strategy, business, and even sports. Back in those days, taking control of a rival’s resources or territory was a sure way to weaken them and make them more likely to submit. Fast forward to modern times, and the principle still holds true, though it’s applied in less combative ways.

Let's look at a real-life example. Think about a company trying to get a new supplier to lower their prices. Instead of just asking outright, the company might start by securing a contract with another supplier for a significant portion of their needs. The original supplier, now seeing a chunk of their business at risk, becomes much more likely to negotiate and agree to lower prices to keep the remaining business. The company has seized something the supplier holds dear—their business—and now has leverage to get what they want.

So, how can you apply this to your life? Suppose you’re negotiating a salary increase. Instead of just asking your boss for more money, gather evidence of how other companies value your skills or even secure a job offer from another company. When you present this to your boss, you’re showing them you have options—they might lose you. Since they value your contribution, they’re more likely to agree to a raise to keep you on board.

Imagine this scenario: You and your roommate are constantly bickering over chores. Instead of nagging or getting into yet another argument, you decide to mix things up. You know they love their Friday night movie marathons. So, one week you take control of the TV or the remote. Naturally, they’re upset. It’s something they look forward to. Now, you have their attention. You can propose a deal—help with the chores in exchange for uninterrupted movie nights. By holding something they value, you’ve created a situation where they’re more likely to compromise.

This approach isn't about being manipulative or unfair. It’s about understanding what’s important to the other person and using that understanding to create a situation where both parties can get what they want. Think of it as strategic kindness. You’re not just taking something for the sake of power—you’re setting the stage for a better relationship or a more favorable outcome.

In summary, the key is to pinpoint what the other party holds dear and use that as your starting point. It’s a powerful method that can apply to many areas of life—from business negotiations to personal relationships. Use this strategy wisely, and it can help you navigate tricky situations with more control and confidence.