"私たちは自分自身の不幸を作り出しています。苦しみの目的は、それを引き起こすのは私たち自身であることを理解するのを助けることです。"

We often make ourselves unhappy without even realizing it. The idea here is pretty straightforward: we are the architects of our suffering. It's a tough pill to swallow, but the discomfort we feel is often a result of our own thoughts and actions. Understanding this can be incredibly liberating because it means we have the power to change it.

Imagine having a bad day at work. Your boss was on your case, you spilled coffee on your shirt, and you've got a mountain of emails to deal with. It's easy to think, "Today is just terrible." But, where's that feeling really coming from? The day itself isn't inherently bad. It's how you react to those events. Maybe you let your boss's criticism get to you, or you're frustrated about the coffee spill. The suffering isn't in the events but in your response to them.

Take a historical figure like Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. He faced unimaginable suffering, but he famously wrote about finding meaning in suffering. In the concentration camps, he realized that even in the most horrific circumstances, we have the power to choose our response. He saw people who, despite everything, found ways to offer kindness and maintain a sense of purpose. Frankl's insights suggest that while we can't always control what happens to us, we can control how we perceive and react to it.

Think about it in a more everyday scenario. Picture yourself stuck in traffic. You're late, you're stressed, and every minute feels like an eternity. You could fume and curse the universe for your misfortune. But what if you took a deep breath and used the time to listen to a podcast or call a friend? It's not the traffic causing your stress—it's your reaction to it. By changing your perspective, you can transform an annoying situation into a manageable one.

So, how can we apply this wisdom to our lives? Start by paying attention to your thoughts. When you feel stressed, pause and ask yourself, "What's really bothering me here?" Often, it's not the situation but your thoughts about the situation. Challenge those thoughts. Are they reasonable? Are you blowing things out of proportion? Practice mindfulness or meditation to help you stay present and keep those runaway thoughts in check.

Let’s flesh this out with a relatable story. Think of Sarah, who's been working tirelessly for a promotion. She’s put in late nights and extra effort, but when the promotion is announced, it goes to her colleague, Tom. Sarah's initial reaction is anger and disappointment. She thinks, "I worked so hard for nothing. This is so unfair." She spends days stewing in her frustration, which only makes her more miserable.

But then, Sarah decides to take a step back. She reflects on what she can learn from this experience. Maybe Tom had some skills or took on responsibilities she hadn’t noticed. Sarah starts to see this as an opportunity to grow. She asks her boss for feedback and uses it to improve her performance. Instead of letting the situation drag her down, she uses it to push herself forward.

By shifting her perspective, Sarah takes control of her happiness. She understands that her suffering wasn't just about missing the promotion; it was about her reaction to it. Once she changed her mindset, she found a way to turn a setback into a step up.

So next time you're feeling down, think about whether it's the situation that's bad—or just your reaction to it. And remember, you have the power to change your response.