Wit Quotes

"I have nothing to declare except my genius" "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." "I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book." "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." "A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." "I must confess, I was born at a very early age." "Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is 'elephant'." "Brevity is the soul of wit. " "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." "I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal" "I drink and I know things" "I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk." "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." "I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add"