"Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy"

You're probably familiar with the feeling: something goes wrong, and we immediately point the finger at someone or something else. Your boss yells at you, and you think, "She ruined my day." Your friend cancels plans, and you think, "He made me feel so lonely." But in reality, it's not the boss or the friend making you feel that way. It's you.

The essence of this quote is that our unhappiness doesn't come from external events or people. It stems from our own reactions and interpretations of those situations. We're the ones who decide how to react and, consequently, how to feel.

Historically, this idea has been a fundamental principle in many philosophical and psychological frameworks. Think about the Stoics, like Epictetus, who believed that it's not the events that disturb us, but rather our judgments about them. More recently, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has embraced similar principles, emphasizing that our thoughts about an event influence our feelings and behaviors.

Let’s look at a concrete example. Sarah, a marketing professional, spends weeks preparing for a big presentation. On the day of the presentation, her laptop crashes, and she can’t show her slides. She’s frustrated and devastated, feeling like she's failed in front of her colleagues. But here's the twist: it's not the laptop crash itself that made her unhappy. It's her perception of the event—believing that the crash made her look incompetent and that it ruined her hard work. Another person might have laughed it off, made a joke, and carried on with the presentation without slides. The difference lies in their reaction.

So, how can you apply this wisdom to your life? Start by noticing your immediate thoughts when something goes wrong. Are you blaming the situation or the person? If so, pause and consider how your reaction is shaping your feelings. Challenge yourself to reframe the situation. Instead of thinking, "This ruined everything," try, "This is an unexpected challenge, but I can handle it." It’s not about ignoring your feelings but rather acknowledging that you have more control over them than you might think.

Picture this scenario: You’re at your favorite coffee shop, waiting for your friend who’s notoriously late. As you sip your latte, you start feeling annoyed. "She always does this. She doesn’t respect my time." The more you think about it, the angrier you get. But what if you caught yourself in that moment? What if you decided to change your narrative? You could think, "She’s running late again, but this gives me a chance to enjoy my coffee and read a bit." Suddenly, the situation feels different. The external event hasn’t changed, but your perception has—and that’s powerful.

At the end of the day, it’s about taking ownership of your emotions. It’s liberating to know that while you can’t control everything that happens to you, you can control how you respond. Understanding this can transform your daily experiences. Next time you find yourself blaming someone or something for your unhappiness, take a step back. Reflect on your reaction, and remember that you hold the reins to your emotional well-being. Think of it as an ongoing practice, a bit like going to the gym for your mind. With time, you'll find it becomes second nature, and your overall happiness can significantly improve.