Humor Quotes

"I swear, I'm the least funny person on the planet… mgaaaah!!" "There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them." "Everyone is entitled to my opinion" "The funniest things are forbidden." "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." "Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well." "A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." "I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." "I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance." "I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious." "You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die from asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young." "To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem." "I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it" "Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about" "I'll do this all day. Or at least until someone's like, 'Okay, there's other things we've got to do.'"