Humor Quotes

"I'm a pretty nice dude. I have fun, and people take it the wrong way." "I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk." "Anyone who is elected mayor of a city has a few screws loose." "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." "Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health " "The story so far In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." "I am not gay, although I wish I were just to piss off homophobes" "I feel like, when people are laughing, they're divorcing themselves from the things that make them human" "When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth." "He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career." "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." "There is nothing much that marks a man's progress better than a sense of humor" "When I initially meet people, I say 'I'm sorry'. Because I'm the nut of the group." "My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends"