Humor Quotes

"There are more old drunks than there are old doctors so I guess we’d better have another round" "I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved." "The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit" "It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them" "An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her" "Comedy is tragedy plus time" "A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles" "Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously" "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house" "The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove would be better for you than water, is to put rum or bourbon in it" "Talking nonsense is man's only privilege that distinguishes him from all other organisms." "I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring" "Common sense ain't common." "If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can't get us out?" "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."