Humor Quotes

"To laugh is to risk appearing the fool" "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it." "Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?" "Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem." "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law." "Like a welcome summer rain humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth the air and you" "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately" "Electric toothbrushes are good too, only I prefer them up my ass so I can listen to rock and roll while I ride my bicycle" "The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly" "Never have more children than you have car windows." "If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it. " "Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it" "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."