Humor Quotes

"I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade" "To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." "Many a true word is spoken in jest " "It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy." "I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away." "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider. That's scary." "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." "Never ask a barber if you need a haircut" "We must laugh and we must sing if only to avoid killing ourselves" "Be careful about reading health books. You may die" "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong" "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards " "I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them"