Funny Quotes

"I'd give my right arm to be... ambidextrous" "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically." "Yesterday I was a dog Today I'm a dog Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement" "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants" "I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast." "You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like 'See if you can blow this out'" "Cricket is basically baseball on valium" "I feel sorry for people who don’t drink because when they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day" "The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog"