Humor Quotes

"Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson — on a high!" "This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I'd hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn't be able take my eyes off of it, either." "Like getting into a bleeding competition with a blood bank." "Life is a series of ups and clowns. Make it worth your wild!" "Nobody’s ever called me Sir Richard. Occasionally in America, I hear people saying Sir Richard and think there’s some Shakespearean play taking place. But nowhere else anyway." "Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one's bath like a lump of sugar. " "I would like to be remembered as a man who won the heavyweight title three times. Who was humorous and who treated everyone right. As a man who never looked down on those who looked up to him, and who helped as many people as he could. As a man who stood u" "Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all." "Superman don't need no seat belt." "I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark." "I said I was ‘The Greatest,’ I never said I was ‘The Smartest!’" "I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked." "I'm the most recognized and loved man that ever lived cuz there weren’t no satellites when Jesus and Moses were around, so people far away in the villages didn’t know about them." "My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world." "My philosophy is, it’s always very rewarding when you can make an audience laugh. I don’t mind making fun of myself. I like self-deprecating comedy. But I’d like you to laugh with me occasionally, too."