Irony Quotes

"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people they think it's their fault" "A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain." "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes" "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity" "Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV." "I am so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything." "As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather, so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill." "I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them." "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." "I can resist everything except temptation" "He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of" "A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." "I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up."