Sarcasm Quotes

"I drink to make other people more interesting" "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools" "Housework, if you do it right, will kill you." "The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit" "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house" "I'm not a hero. I'm a high-functioning tool bag with a heart of gold" "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." "I have nothing to declare except my genius." "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it." "Tobacco is my favorite vegetable" "The meek may one day inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights" "As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything" "I'd give my right arm to be... ambidextrous"